Victor Billot is a Dunedin author. He is the creator of the poetry assortment The Sets (Otago University Press, 2020), and writes a weekly satirical Ode every Sunday for Newsroom.
The bard of the South at the wretch of the yr
Out on a Lim
King Simon of DGL
storms in the course of the villages of the north,
environment fireplace to the modest huts
of the Eurasian Fluff
and trampling their contemporary fruit
and greens beneath hoof.
The scribblers of the Royal Press
notice his withering pronouncements;
his mythical fort is stuffed
neck top with gold doubloons.
Further and additional he marches,
additional clear of his feudal lands
the place the Great Traditions grasp rapid,
the place not anything adjustments,
and the place the Word of Simon is Law
and challenged by way of no guy or fluff.
Further and additional he marches
along with his band of dependable and silent retainers
into the ordinary steamy jungles
of the twenty first Century.
But he involves a prevent:
for there within the jungle clearing
status in his trail
is just a little of Eurasian Fluff
keeping a fearsome carrot
in an competitive stance.
Lo, King Simon is taken
with the humour of the placement.
He guffaws! He slaps his thigh!
Lookst right here, O dependable retainers!
This doughty Amazon dares
to sluggish the mighty military of Simon!
But there’s no laughter;
Lo, there may be silence from the ranks.
King Simon turns round
however his retainers and constant guardsmen
have vanished into the mist.
And in the back of the steamy foliage
he sees one thousand eyes staring at him:
O horror! What is that this diabolical entice?
From the darkish Eurasian undergrowth
emerge unending ranks of Eurasian Fluff
drawing sharpened carrots
from their cleavages;
and thus it used to be, that bloody vengeance
used to be wreaked on Former King Simon
and his neck top pile of gold doubloons.
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